Advice on cooking your Thanksgiving bird

Q. Discovering a turkey from 1969 in his dad’s freezer, an Alabama man called the Talk-Line to ask about the best way to cook the 30+ year-old bird.
A. Butterball hot line recommended ‘buying a ‘younger’ bird.

Q. A few hours after his wife had give birth, a new dad called to make sure the turkey hadn’t been thawing too long while he’d been at the hospital.
A The Talk-Line staffer asked how much it weighed, to which the flustered father replied, ‘The turkey or the baby?’ After determining the turkey’s weight and thawing time, she assured him he would be able to deliver a safe, delicious Thanksgiving dinner.

What! A woman in her seventies, cooking Thanksgiving dinner for the first time, called for help because her mother said she was tired of cooking and it was time her daughter learned how to prepare the Thanksgiving meal.

Q. A gentleman called to tell the operator he cut his turkey in half with a chain saw and wanted to know if the oil from the chain would adversely affect the turkey.
A. ????

Q. A disappointed woman called wondering why her turkey had no breast meat.
A. After a conversation with a Talk-Line operator, it became apparent that the woman’s turkey was lying on the table upside down.

Q. With no answer. A lady from Colorado called about ‘how to thaw’ her frozen Butterball. She proudly shared the fact that her turkey was stored in a snow bank outside! It had snowed the night before and it then dawned on her that she didn’t have a clue which snow bank her turkey was in. At that point, the conversation was really over because she was now on a mission to go find her turkey.

Q. One caller had always cut the legs off the turkey before putting it in the oven thinking that was how you had to cook a turkey.
A. She later learned that the only reason her mom had been doing that was because their oven had been so small that that was the only way to get the bird into the oven!

Soapy turkey. A first time Thanksgiving chef called Turkey help line in tears Thanksgiving morning last year. She was so proud to have thawed the turkey successfully and continued to rinse the turkey with dish soap! The tears started flowing when the turkey wouldn’t stop sudsing. If only she called before she would have found out you don’t have to rinse the turkey just pat it dry with paper towels.

Q. One mom called in and told us about how her little girl had asked if they could slow-roast the turkey for three or four days because she liked how it made the house smell.
A. The experts at the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line told her that the turkey should only stay in the oven for a few hours and that it wasn’t a good idea to leave it cooking for four days!

Small oven solution. A gentleman called to tell how he wrapped his turkey in a towel and stomped on it several times, breaking the bones so it would fit in his roasting pan.

Happy Holidays

6 responses to “Advice on cooking your Thanksgiving bird

  1. Thanks for the chuckles.


  2. Pingback: “Advice on Cooking Your Thanksgiving Bird” | creativeartworksblog

  3. LOVE this post. I laughed out loud several times. Happy Thanksgiving – and turkey – to YOU, too. :0)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Grin … some of these people would would go hungry Thanksgiving day if they had to go into the poultry pen, select, dispatch and process their bird just to make it oven ready.
      Happy Holidays


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